BANGARANG

(Source: ridic, via tabbysoup)

it’s not so much what he said, but what it meant

and it’s not so much what it meant, but how it feels

i’m scared to be pulled and pushed in this direction.

insult and injury. truth and transition.

i’m scared of change

well…i guess i know who i’m not marrying. in a way its a relief.

could this really be woosh?

5 years later and love looks different out this window. it’s hazy and mysterious but it’s peace. and its been 5 years in coming.

i don’t understand how you hop from one relationship to the next. And honestly, it kinda pisses me off. I’m not jealous of you all, but i do resent you. I feel like your breakup pain is fake, over dramatic, and honestly…not as real as mine. Essentially…shut up.

If you have a new boyfriend or girlfriend every time the sun sets then CLEARLY you must not have cared about your previous sig other (oh god i just wrote sig other) THAT much. You can’t cry over someone you were with for a hot two days. You don’t get that luxury.

I don’t date a lot. I barely ever date actually. My last relationship was 3 years ago, and he had to convince me to let him in. I did. I don’t regret it. Point is-i was legitimately in love. and 3 years later our break up is STILL hard. It STILL comes to mind often. I may be over him, but sometimes the rest lingers longer than the person it’s about.

so please, don’t come to me about the guy/girl you dated for 3 weeks and were SO in love with. Honestly, i don’t care and you’re “pain” doesn’t hold a candle to what can happen at the end of a REAL relationship.  Go call Dawson Macalester.

I’m such a bitch…oh well.

don’t ask me that question because i’ll lie and say, “nothing,” as the tears stream down my face and a plastic smile haunts my mouth. Unless you want truth, and if you do get ready. Cause the truth is that i know all the answers to the questions i have to ask you and still i need to hear them from you. The truth is that i have different feelings and opinions of our situation every day. The truth is that i am choking back gut wrenching sobs and tears are stinging my eyes because you just touched my back the way you used to.

The TRUTH is that i want the long haul. 

The LIE, well the lie is that i can do THIS for the long haul.

dear elmer’s,

help a sista out, cause i’m falling apart here.

i wish i had a father worth calling.

instead i have memories worth forgettting.

i hope my kids are proud of me when all is said and done.

i hope all is said and done soon.

obligation and choice dance a dangerous line in my head.

like a middle school slow song, awkward and nerve wracking.

regrets creep up like snakes in the grass.

quick and cunning.

what’s it like to feel like a child?

this parenting stage is lasting into beyond

and i have none of my making.

fate. what’s your cruel logic…?

irreparable implications the source of irresponsibility.

thanks for putting you before us.

there is no image dump for memories

Josh, this is too much, and you’re too cute. 4.75 for two people on my tab? And free shots from miles? cheers baby, you got me hooked!

-Leslie

cobblestone of rva, i’m working toward you….don’t pave just yet.

Here are the rules:
Each tagged person must post ten things about themselves. You have to choose and tag ten people. Go to their blogs and tell them you tagged them. No tag backs.

1. i love green in every shade. it inspires me and excites me and resonates with something inside me. favorite shade: the one created by sunlight shining through leaves at 930am and 430pm. specific? damn right.

2. two is my favorite number

3. when i was younger my father used to take us fishing. now i fish with my best friend. I love it. it relaxes me. i inevitably get bored and scheme to outsmart the fish, without success, but i love it. fish vs. ellerg-sometimes i win.

4. i used to be a nudist. until about 5 years of age i ran the neighborhood without clothes on. we lived in the south and my ancient neighbors used to describe me as being “neked as a jay bird.” my mother tried to clothe me, but i like the open air…

5. i.love.thunderstorms. i just lay in my bed for almost two hours listening to a massive rainshower that shook my walls and brought joy to my heart. there’s just something about them. they’re powerful and terrifying but soothing and they just speak to my soul.

6. i pretend to scoff at these quizzes but i actually love them. a lot.

7. my sister is having a baby in a couple months and i’m really really really afraid i’ll drop her. yet willing to risk it if that means holding her.

8. i have very bad insomnia (note the time of this post) I’m exhausted. but my mind will NOT shut off. it refuses to. even with the help of an anti-anxiety medication i’ve officially overdosed on tonight. nothing. still wide awake watching the battery on my phone screen fill and empty as it charges. sleep will you come tonight?

9. i resent more than i realize. i’m just now coming to terms with how bitter i am at people in my life for failing me. for leaving. for dying. for not giving a shit. i haven’t talked to my paternal grandparents(whom are both still alive) in at LEAST three or four years. and to tell you the truth, i think they’re happy with that. bitter and resentful but mostly sad.

10. my sister and i have our own dialect. it’s like twin speach but we’re not twins and it’s way nerdier. we’ve been doing it since i was in seventh grade. that’s like 13 years. we have entire conversations in our dialect and in some twisted way it’s our comfort, kind of a connection between the two of us no one will ever break. cause only she was there. only she saw what i saw. and only we can really know.

this man has been makin me tingly since 1995. that’s right, age 10… damn paul, what i wouldn’t do to you.